I hit the wall. Almost gave up. Felt pointless.
The starting part was fine, my feet feels good with a normal pace between 7-8 min/km. My aim is below 6 hours and 30 min. A modest aim.
The struggle started when I reached Akleh. I started to walk when there were ramps or hilly parts. My pace off, and when the pacer of 6 hours 30 min passed me, I felt devastated.
All the negative things suddenly bombarded my thoughts. I will not make it below 7 hours, cramps will occur since I started to feel the pain, it is pointless to even continue running. I have planned to walk all the way to Akleh exit to get back home, and sleep. I've imagined texting my running mates that I quit halfway, that I am just exhausted mentally and physically to continue the run.
Then he came.
Like an angel (he did wear a pair of black wings).
One of the three pacers for 6 hours and 30 min. For whatever reason he was left behind. I slowly ran with him, as he tried to catch up with his peers. Of course as time progress I did not manage to keep up with their pace. But that one pacer was enough to get me going, to complete the run.
Lesson learnt? I would say that I am now more emphatize on people with depression or suicidal. All these negative thoughts are as real as they can lead us to the negative consequences.
Sometimes, all we need is a simple gesture of others to get us going.
Please reach out to somebody you can trust if you feel down or depressed, or need any kind of assistance.
As for hitting the wall, maybe I lost the mojo. Maybe.
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