A Bitter Realist

Bungkam

2008-07-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

Bungkam,
dalam riuh angin yang berbisik,
sedang silau mentari membutakan pandangan.

my 23rd

2008-04-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

Winter to Spring

2008-04-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

acapkali dihalang hadirnya,
oleh musim dingin yang seperti enggan mengakui,
bahawa putaran musim itu sunatullah,
bahawa salji akhirnya akan cair,
bahawa manusia lama-lama jelak, dengan suramnya musim dingin.

seringkali ia mengintai datang,
tapi musim dingin cepat-cepat menghalang,
menutup segala ruang,
dengan harapan kedinginan akan terus kekal,
dengan impian tiada siapa dapat mengganti,
dengan cita-cita untuk menolak hukum alam.

tapi hari ini,
tiada lagi penantian, tiada lagi keraguan,
musim bunga datang juga,
membawa kembang harum bunga,
membawa saujana keindahan taman,
membawa hangat yang diidam-idamkan.

semoga musim bunga juga tidak lupa,
dirinya juga sebahagian dari hukum alam,
moga apabila musim panas tiba nanti,
peralihan berlaku tanpa tamak dan penuh paksa.

"cuaca di minnesota, mungkin juga ditempat lain, yang acapkali sukar diramal,
kadang kelmarin sejuk beku, semalamnya panas, hari ini salji menggila"

dari luar tingkap bilik

December!

2007-12-24T07:05:00.000-08:00

the city and me

greetings

dinner with mr aznan

concert

rock concert?

winter break, here i come!!

Desire

2007-11-20T23:26:00.000-08:00

Muhammad said:
"No one of you shall become a true believer until he desires for his brother what he desires for himself."
[Sahih al-Bukhari]

Chicago Fall 07

2007-10-31T20:55:00.000-07:00

It's fall again!

the 'Drama' team

tgh ajar saiful buat hw

Kusessians kt US

Bunga yang mekar pada musim luruh

2007-10-01T20:37:00.001-07:00

tatkala musim luruh hadir bersama angin dinginnya, kembang bunga di ruang tamu jadi penyegar diri, memberi sisa-sisa musim panas yang masih manis dalam kenangan..

Raya Photoshoot 07

2007-09-22T14:43:00.001-07:00

salamku pada angin yang tak jemu berhembus,
moga kau pinjamkan semangatmu pada semua,
yang kadangkala lelah diasak rindu,
yang kadangkala sakit dihimpit beban,
yang kadangkala bingung mencari mimpi.

McNamara, Minneapolis

Wilayah Cinta dan JJkR

2007-09-02T07:34:00.001-07:00

Wilayah Cinta

Antologi Puisi GKLN - Wilayah Cinta

Diseleggarakan oleh
Adibah Abdullah (Manchester) dan Aimi Rahayu Abd Rashid (Cork)

Dengan Kata Pengantar dari
Rahimidin Zahari
RM 13
USD 4 (USD 6 beserta bayaran pos untuk pesanan US). saya terima bayaran tunai, cek atau paypal. Sila hubungi saya di salamputra@gmail.com untuk tempahan atau pertanyaan.

juga dapatkan antologi cerpen Jalan Jauh Ke Ramallah

Antologi Cerpen GKLN - Jalan Jauh ke Ramallah (JJkR)
Diselenggarakan oleh
Fazleen Razali (Southampton) dan Rebecca Ilham (Colorado)
Dengan Kata Pengantar dari
Faisal Tehrani
RM 20
USD 5
(sila hubungi saudari beckyilham di beckyilham@yahoo.com untuk pembelian di US)

Juga layari laman GKLN www.gkln.blogspot.com untuk maklumat lanjut tentang kedua-dua antologi.

Dari Mana Sumber Air Kita Datang?

2007-07-31T21:25:00.001-07:00

dari datangnya bunyi unggas hutan?

dari nun jauh tak tercapai mata?

dari tenang pekan koboi?

dari lubuk ikan dipancing?

dari hilir menuju ke hulu?

dari dalam harus digali?

dari mana sumber air kita datang?

We did not create the heavens and the earth and everything between them as a game. We did not create them except with truth but most of them do not know it. (Surat ad-Dukhan: 38-39)

Hubband, Minnesota
Hydrogeology summer 2007

lapis demi lapis

2007-07-03T16:41:00.000-07:00

selapis,
dua lapis,
tiga lapis,
empat lapis,
sampai berapa lapis?

satu lengkung atas,
satu lengkung bawah,
satu terbalik,
satu terbelah,
satu terus hilang?

daya dari tepi,
daya dari bawah,
daya membawa daya lain,
terpecah termasuk,
mana dahulu, mana kemudian?

Dan kamu melihat gunung-gunung itu, kamu menyangka ianya tetap di tempatnya, padahal ia bergerak seperti geraknya awan.
Surah an-Naml;88.

Dillon, Montana. Summer 2007

End of the Road is Where the Journey Begins

2007-05-23T00:51:00.001-07:00

Minneapolis-DeKalb-Buffalo(Niagara)-NYC-Washington D.C-Minneapolis

Salam Tak Berbalas

2007-05-17T01:55:00.000-07:00

sepi. khali. menanti.

resah. gundah. parah.

penat sampai tenat
bingung sambil menung.

jalan lurus dihadapan tak diendah,
bintang jadi petunjuk tak dipeduli,

dan salam yang diberi tidak pun berbalas...

Lohong Kosong

2007-04-29T01:36:00.001-07:00

...

kosong
kosong juga sepi,
sampai mentari malas-malas memancar,
sampai salji tidak mahu turun,
sampai senyum sudah hambar tak memikat.

kenapa kosong?
sebab ruang telah terbina,
hati tak lagi dekat,
kalau dulu musuh nyata ditentang sama,
kini kabur siapa musuh, siapa saudara.
pedih melihat, pedih memikir,
apa partisan, apa mazhab, apa fahaman?
apa tiada titik temu untuk semua itu?
sampai bila ruang lohong terus kosong?

From Minne to Chicago Through Iowa

2007-03-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

Iowa 80

Liberty at Iowa?

Tgh usha ereen, haha

Minne~

NIU

kanak-kanak riang

Lompat!

Sungai Beku, Hati Beku

2007-02-20T15:58:00.000-08:00

Kering udara yang menyelimut kasar diri,
melengkap suram petang yang lambat-lambat pergi,
dingin, sangat dingin, sampai sungai merajuk enggan mengalir..
(Hudson River, Feb 18 07)

D'Kuala...

2007-02-15T15:30:00.000-08:00

apa hilang jerebu bila kabus menjelma?

2007-01-21T16:08:00.000-08:00

apabila jarum melanyah bibir jadi penuh darah,
mengunci gema yang bakal keluar dari kerongkong kecil,
konon atas nama fitnah dan keselamatan,
apa tangkai hati dapat dipasung?

apabila perjalanan disamakan dengan tujuan,
tiada ruang lagi untuk maju dengan yakin,
konon jelas apa mahu dicapai apa mahu dibuang,
apa jerebu dapat hilang bila kabus menjelma?

Mahu Pulang

2006-12-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

mahu pulang...

jauhnya...

mahu pulang juga...

MAHALNYA

tapi,
tetap mahu pulang...

kerana rindunya,
kerana kesahnya,
kerana lelahnya,
kerana cintanya...

Aku tak mengerti

2006-11-17T19:45:00.000-08:00

apa salahkah setiap tuduhan?
apa hinakah setiap kecaman?
apa zalimkah setiap seksaan?

atau benarkah setiap yang tak terucap,
terzahir dari perlakuan, yang seringkali menyesatkan?

perlukah ada pembalasan,
hanya untuk membenarkan laku yang sama?

Raya Umno Persisma

2006-11-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

Pelangi

2006-11-09T10:01:00.000-08:00

"seperti pelangi yang indah,
membahagiakan bila dipandang,
tapi takkan pernah dapat dimiliki,
dikejar-kejar serasa jauh,
digapai-gapai takkan tercapai,"

itu pandangan realist,
tapi seorang idealist melihat pelangi lain,

"sebagai harapan yang membahagiakan,
menceriakan disaat hujan renyai-renyai,
walau sekejap tapi cukup bermakna,
tak tergapai bukan alasan untuk bersedih,
lantaran memiliki secara zahir bukanlah kebahagiaan mutlak,
kerana semuanya anugerah,
dan kita tak pernah memiliki apa-apa."

Raya d'Chicago

2006-11-02T21:54:00.000-08:00

well, maybe i do love fall season after all :)

2006-10-12T13:40:00.000-07:00

Baraboo, Wisconsin

Daun Gugur Lagi

2006-10-03T14:30:00.001-07:00

orang kata, dalam banyak-banyak musim, musim luruh paling cantik.
cantik sebab dapat lihat daun-daun bertukar warna.
ada yang kuning, merah, hijau cair, malah ada yang bertona.
dan dapat juga lihat daun-daun gugur di laluan pejalan kaki,
dapat dengar bunyi daun kering yang dipijak.
bising, tapi mengasyikkan.

orang juga kata, musim luruh walaupun cantik, tapi tiada seri.
dingin semakin kuat mencengkam tubuh.
matahari juga sudah malu-malu mahu keluar.
kelibat manusia sudah jarang kelihatan, tidak seperti musim panas.

mungkin kerana musim luruh ini pun sudah namanya luruh,
jadi apapun yang hendak orang katakan,
daun-daun akan tetap luruh bersama suasana yang cukup sukar untuk aku mengerti.
yang pasti, musim akan terus berganti musim.
cuma yang aku fikirkan, kenapa, dalam sebuah musim, perlu ada kecantikan yang tiada seri?
atau cuma aku, yang tak tahu menilai?

Musim panas yang lalu.

2006-09-19T23:14:00.000-07:00

semusim yang berlalu memberi seribu pengertian yang sukar untuk aku ungkapkan.
aku temui cinta, aku hilang cinta,
aku temui cinta kembali, lalu cinta itu hilang semula.
aku nikmati keceriaan, aku harung kesempitan,
aku puja gembira, akhirnya aku sedih berduka.
aku letakkan harapan untuk aku musnahkan,
aku tiba-tiba mengharap, tapi untuk harapan yang tak selayaknya wujud.
aku semangat merenung diri, kemudian luntur,
aku bangkit hanya akhirnya untuk aku rebah kembali.

p/s: sajak ini kedengaran cukup dangkal bagiku, mungkin saja aku tidak bersedia untuk menulis lagi...

kosong

2006-08-31T14:05:00.000-07:00

habis sudah bicara untuk ku tawarkan waktu,
hilang sudah rindu untuk ku dambakan temu,
rosak sudah ceria untuk ku lontarkan jemu..

rest in peace my beloved friend....

2006-08-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

semoga ditempatkan bersama-sama mereka yang Engkau kasihi....

Abidah Adam

1986-2006

al-fatihah

Eye to Eye

2006-07-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

look into my eyes and tell me what you see
you don't see a damn thing cause you can't possibly relate to me
you're blinded by our differences, my life makes no sense to you
i'm the persecuted Palestinian, you're the red, white and blue

each day you wake in tranquility, no fears to cross your eyes
each day i wake in gratitude, thanking God He let me rise
you worry about your education, and the bills you have to pay
i worry about my vulnerable life, andif i'll survive another day

your biggest fear is getting ticketed as you cruise your cadillac
my fear is that the tank that just left will turn around and come back

Gihad Ali

Lelaki

2006-07-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

aku hanya mahu jadi lelaki yang tak kenal apa itu takut,
yang cuma meredah hutan liar dan menyelam di laut sengsara.

aku hanya mahu jadi lelaki yang tak tahu apa itu dayus,
yang cuma turut berjuang dan benci pada kepuraan.

aku hanya mahu jadi lelaki yang tak tahu apa itu hiba,
yang cuma tersenyum sewaktu diuji dan gagah nelawan musuhnya.

aku hanya mahu jadi lelaki, yang tahu apa ertinya menjadi seorang lelaki.

what's left...?

2006-06-26T22:12:00.000-07:00

"there are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, song left unsung, love left unexpressed, and promises left unfulfilled" -Consrael-

dalam hati ada apa?

2006-06-22T17:06:00.000-07:00

dalam hati ada apa?
apa yang tersembunyi?
apa yang terlihat?
mmm,
apa ada dalam hati?

Satu

2006-06-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

Terhampar atas rimbunan rindu,
menghitung waktu yang berlalu,
adakah kau jua sepertiku,
bermimpi mimpi indah yang satu...

selayaknya dirimu terlalu sulit untukku,
cuba untuk mengerti namun tak kumampu,
apakah sayang yang terluah olehmu,
atau benci yang terselindung dibalik laku?

Hawaii..

2006-05-15T04:33:00.000-07:00

ALOHA!!

Puisi Indah dari Rendra

2006-05-10T16:18:00.000-07:00

Seringkali aku berkata,
ketika orang memuji milikku,
bahawa sesungguhnya ini hanyalah titipan Nya,
bahawa mobilku hanya titipan Nya,
bahawa rumahku hanya titipan Nya,
bahawa hartaku hanya titipan Nya,bahawa putraku hanya titipan Nya,
tetapi, mengapa aku tidak pernah bertanya,
mengapa Dia menitipkan ini padaku?
untuk apa Dia menitipkan ini padaku?
dan kalau bukan milikku,
apa yang harus kulakukan untuk milikNya ini?
adakah aku memiliki hak atas sesuatu yang bukan milikku?
mengapa hatiku justru terasa berat,
ketika titipan itu diminta kembali oleh-Nya?
ketika diminta kembali,
kusebut itu sebagai musibah kusebut itu sebagai ujian,
kusebut itu sebagai petaka,
kusebut dengan panggilan apa saja untuk melukiskan itu adalah derita.
ketika aku berdoa, kuminta titipan yang cocok dengan hawa nafsuku,
aku ingin lebih banyak harta,
ingin lebih banyak mobil,
lebih banyak rumah,
lebih banyak popularitas,
dan kutolak sakit, kutolak kemiskinan,
seolah semua derita itu adalah hukuman bagiku.
seolah keadilan dan kasihNya harus berjalan seperti matematika:
aku rajin beribadah, maka selayaknyalah derita menjauh dariku,
dan nikmat dunia kerap menghampiriku.
kuperlakukan Dia seolah mitra dagang,
dan bukan Kekasih.
kuminta Dia membalas "perlakuan baikku",
dan menolak keputusannNya yang tak sesuai keinginanku,
gusti, padahal tiap hari kuucapkan,
hidup dan matiku hanyalah untuk beribadah...
"ketika langit dan bumi bersatu, bencana dan keberuntungan sama saja"
WS Rendra

p/s : on the links section, there is a link to united nation world food programme. you can learn more about the programme, and donate there.

hujan hari ini

2006-05-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

diluar hujan turun menggila,
bagai tidak akan berhenti,
menyiram kasar bumi,
sambil kilat menyambar disambut guruh.

Aku ingin jadi sebahagian dari dirimu.

2006-05-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

ketika setiap langkah penuh dengan hilai tawa,
takku sedar kau menangis hiba meratap kehilangan.
ketika penuh juadah disantap penuh kelazatan,
takku kusedar kau terbaring di tanah gersang mengerang kehausan.
ketika tidur didalam gebar tebal dan tidak risau pada hujan mahupun panas,
takku sedar untuk kau hanya langit menjadi atap dan tanah lantainya,
tapi aku tahu perjuanganmu tidak mengendahkan semua itu,
apa ada pada hilai tawa jika hatiku mati?
apa ada pada kekenyangan jika jiwaku sentiasa lapar?
dan ada apa pada dunia ini jika aku terus mencintainya?
aku ingin jadi sebahagian dari dirimu,
merasai segala perit,
derita, harap juga semangat.
dan turut serta dalam perjuanganmu,
bukan sekadar memberi simpati dan air mata..

p/s: at the link section, there is a link to islamic relief foundation, a foundation founded by a muslim group. you can go to the website to learn more, and to donate.

Barangkali

2006-04-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

barangkali kita hanya berdiri di atas awan,
yang putih berkepuk dan senang meluncur di udara,
tapi sebenarnya tidak pernah mampu untuk menampung beratnya kita.

barangkali kita hanya menghirup sakar madu,
yang manis nikmatnya, juga khasiat seribu,
tapi sebenarnya tidak pernah menghilangkan haus dahaga.

aku ingin tidur malammu penuh dengan mimpi indah

2006-04-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

aku ingin tidur malammu penuh dengan mimpi indah,
seindah seperti yang kau selalu angankan,
dan mahu setiap impianmu menjadi nyata.

aku ingin kau tahu setiap yang terluah adalah benar,
datang jauh dari daerah hati paling dalam,
dan mungkir bukanlah pilihanku.

aku ingin agar jalan dihadapan sentiasa terang,
memandu arah ke tujuan yang jelas,
dan aku mohon agar kau jua berharap yang sama.

sebelum kau pejamkan matamu untuk kesekian kalinya,
ketahuilah,
aku mahu tidur malammu penuh dengan mimpi indah.

ombak

2006-04-17T17:33:00.000-07:00

Ibarat ombak mengejar langit,
hempas hampa, cecah tak daya...

spring... toing! toing!

2006-04-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

ahhhhh....
the scent of the spring...
how i wish my heart will blossom, together with the season...

lyric..

2006-04-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

lately, i am kinda attach with indonesian songs. one thing i realized is that the lyrics are so meaningful, and 'puitis'. not to say that malaysian songs are not that puitis, but the lyrics seem kinda remind me of poem, but with music on the background. here i listed some of the lyrics.

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg mungkin bisa kau rindu
karena langkah merapuh tanpa dirimuoh
karena hati tlah letih
kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
yg memanggil rinduku padamu
seperti udara yg kuhela kau selalu ada
(dealova - once)

Tiba-tiba engkau ada
Kemudian engkau hadir
Laksana kerdil ku memeluk
Lihat aku lebih dalam
Di matamu ku melihat
Ada cinta yg tersirat
Tirani hati merebak
Barangkali aku salah
Ku terdiam bukan bisu
Kutahu engkau besar malu
Tutupi rasa gelisah
(apa ertinya cinta - melly)

Tiba saat mengerti
jerit suara hati
Yang letih meski mencoba
melabuhkan rasa yang ada
Mohon tinggal sejenak lupakanlah waktu
Temani air mataku teteskan lara
Merajut asa menjalin mimpi
Endapkan sepi sepi
(cintakan membawamu kembali - dewa)

but, ade la jugak indonesian songs which are not having that high standard of quality. well, ape2 lah
yang penting,
scholar dh masuk,
heppi! :)

one day in front of klcc

2006-03-30T13:52:00.000-08:00

check it out!

http://blog.activehack.com/?p=169#more-169

Biarlah Rahsia

2006-03-26T17:25:00.000-08:00

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika berada di tempatku
membayangkan pahit manis berlaku tak siapa yang tahu
mungkin nanti kau jua merasakan berdepan dengan kata menyesatkan
tak kan ku melupakan tiada pertimbangan

keheningan malam membalutkan
kepayahan jiwa meluahkan
andai kau jujur memahami
tiada ku menjauhi

dan kisahku yang masih panjang
menambahkan berat yang memandang
lantas ku pendam ku putuskan
biarlah rahsia
semakin kuhitung dalam cinta
tiada kuasa mampu menghalangnya
hentikan kata-kata bertulangkan dusta

pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika berada di tempatku....

-siti nurhaliza-

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BtApxKeEP44

apa ya cinta?

2006-03-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

Ada cinta tetapi saya kurang mengerti artinya.
Tidak berani untuk memberi definisi tersendiri.
Apa ya cinta?
A Samad Said

what is love then...?

How do we measure a year?

2006-03-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

'Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. How do you measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles in laughter in strife. How about love?'

frankly, as far as i concerned, converting a musical play to a film medium will not likely result in better satisfaction or greater overall enjoyment. this also apply to rent, the latest movie that was based on a broadway play. though i do not yet see the original play, i bet it must be such a great play, at least based on the movie itself.

brief synopsis :
This film adaptation of Jonathan Larson's Pulitzer Prize and Tony Award winning rock opera tells the story of one year in the life of a group of bohemians struggling in modern day East Village New York. The story centers around Mark (Anthony Rapp) and Roger (Adam Pascal), two roommates. While a former tragedy has made Roger numb to life, Mark tries to capture it through his attempts to make a film. In the year that follows, the group deals with love, loss, AIDS, and modern day life in one truly powerful story.

why do i say that the play is much more better? well, i could see that from some of the audiences' reaction towards some of the scene in the movie. some even clapped their hand when the actors finished some songs. for me, i did enjoyed the movie, especially how they incorporated the issues. aids, love, money, power, friendship and other things that makes you even appreciate life. the songs by jonathan larson are wonderful, and nicely fit with the scene.

i love the song 'seasons of love'. a year may equal to 525600 minutes, but it also equal to the cups of coffee we drink, how many the sun set or rise, in miles we've journeyed, and even the laughter or strife. how about love? love in broad sense? a year can also be measured in seasons of love. time of we stumbled upon love, the bloom, lost, and find it again... that makes life even rich, and live.

so, how do we measure a year?

the end of the week is the beginning of another week....

2006-02-25T00:44:00.000-08:00

lot of stuff need to be done this weekend as for next week prep...

- petrology mid term this monday
- geochem paper topic
- ps infromative speech topic & exam
- explanatory rough draft

should sleep now, wake up early 2moro in hope 4 an enlightenment...
or shouldn't i....?

"sigh"

Sesetia Malam Pada Siang

2006-02-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

sejak namamu menggetar rasa
kukhabarkan pada angin
bawalah dedaun kering
terbang jauh dari hidupku
ingin aku bersama awan
mengarang kembang cantik untukmu

jika ku tahu kaulah ciptaan terakhir
tiada kujadi pelari sepi
diburu mimpi demi mimpi
lalu berhenti dikaki hari
merenung pagi yang cerah
sekadar datang dan pergi

kau buatku
laut berpayung senja indah
suara ombakmu
memecah sepi pantai rinduku
dibalik karangan batu
ikan kecil berenang riang
ingin selalu didasarmu
sesetia malam pada siang

Siti Zaleha M Hashim

what can i do?

2006-02-17T10:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.turntoislam.com/pages/palestine_still_issue.html

northern lights..

2006-02-15T18:55:00.000-08:00

aurora always fascinated me, and it is one of my dream to go the north or south pole to watch with my very own eye how beautiful the aurora is. and it also surprised me that this such breath-taking phenomenon come from a very hazardous source, the sun wind. the electromagnetic shield that surround the earth helps to deviate this deadly solar wind, where if it directly hit the earth, we will be doomed. the solar wind either deflected around the planet or being channeled to the north or south pole atmosphere with a very small intensity thus creating the aurora....

weather oh weather...

2006-02-10T00:19:00.000-08:00

it was rather enlightened to know the difference of twinning law between plagioclase and k-spar. carlsbad twins usually seen in k-spar mineral while polysynthetic twins will be found on plagioclase. it became polysynthetic because the way it formed where it 'stacked' upon each other, layer by layer. hmmm, really amusing. haha! understand? :)
when i finished the lab, it was snowing heavily outside. luckily i wore the columbia jacket, but still i didn't bring my snow cap, where i end up to lose the sensation of my ear. it is weird, the local said, of the weather here nowadays. sometimes it warm and sometimes it cold. Minnesota used to be very cold during this time. global warming is the culprit, the said, or to be more specific, human activities that result in global warming. in geology, i've learned that earth's climate can change to such an extreme weather. the earth even once hypothesized has been in this ice ball stage, where everywhere was snowing on earth. and earth can also change to becoming even hotter. well, regardless of those theories, man still need to be responsible for what they have done to earth. Allah also stated in the al-Quran about damages on earth because of man's hand. just love our earth. huh? environmental activist? no la, just someone who care about the place he live in, and happens to care for the next generation too...

chill...

2006-02-07T15:59:00.000-08:00

well, after rethink and being somewhat rational, i believe i want to withdraw my so-called judgement towards mawi(i was writing the previous post after finishing my crappy-those-sig-fig pre lab and still anxious about the data for the last week lab). he deserve the award, at least in his own way. what i mean is, everyone have their own style of amusing the audience/other people. and as for mawi, he had presented such a good performance, and yes.. he deserve it. :)

p/s: ngah, okla tarik balik, demi mak. :) hehe

aduhhhhhhhhhhh mawi!

2006-02-06T23:12:00.000-08:00

Missed the juara lagu though this year.. (hello! it was 6.30 in the morning here!). yet, not very sure whether there was any live telecast on the internet :) anyway, could someone tell me how grande mawi's performance was until he can bag the best performance award!?! owh, please don't tell me this was again those sms thingy. owh come on la.. is it me or the people who voted him were totally blind? well, no offense to mawi's fan, but i don't think he deserved it.

check out his perfromance in ajl here http://www.youtube.com/?v=lKhrDc8-AeQ

want to see jac? here http://www.youtube.com/?v=QALhSULkFeg

p/s : sori, post berbaur emosi + prejudis .

in the name of freedom... huh?

2006-02-03T23:08:00.000-08:00

In what respect does portraying our prophet Muhammad (pbuh) with a turban-like-bomb can imply freedom of speech and media liberalisation?!

peninsula

2006-01-28T14:34:00.000-08:00

at last finish gak rough draft personal essay. habis about 4 am, then slept at 5. kind of tired but still ned to wake up early as workshop start at 8. friday nite likely better, as mush asked to go to the peninsula, a malaysian cuisine restaurant. bestnye! ate kuew tiew goreng and also abc. mush even have pasembor to go. after that went to coffman, play pool. it was mush first time play it so i kind of explaining all the rules and stuff. but it end up mush much more teror la than me. hehe, mmg no talent la i guess. pagi sabtu td cadang nk wat lab petrology, but frustratingly, pillsbury was closed. hmmmm. then balik cooked ayam masak asam pedas.. boleh la, tambah perencah..

learning

2006-01-27T02:19:00.000-08:00

it was a confusing day. i woke up late, about 11 and went straight to the petrology lab. what irritated me the most today is that i did badly in my introductory speech. it was boring and i even do not speak fluently with most of the time i was kinda hanging in betwen the words. owhhhh, really frustrated with myself. but i tried to be optimist, and should not compare myself with the other people in the class where they are all mostly american. and for those don't they have lived in US for a very long time they can speak english fluently. the purpose of me getting into this class is to learn, so be it.
now is 4.25 am, just finished the rough draft for personal esssay at 4. hopefully this essay is better.

what does it mean to be me?

2006-01-25T22:12:00.000-08:00

i used to believe that i was a person full of idealisme, who will fight for the truth and never fear of the upcoming tribulations. but i am a very much different person right now, at least for the believe part. actually i was rather fog by the concept of believing or being something. it's like someone said that you are brave for instance, and you replied that you are not brave actually, you just pretend, which lead to believe, that you are brave. but isn't it is like the same?

getting personal....?

2006-01-24T22:48:00.000-08:00

what does it mean by being personal? i mean, being personal in your work, in your self-expression... well, kind of bemuse by the definition.. i'm actually in the middle of finding the idea for my personal essay and also for my introductory speech. i do not know what to write! as for me, being personal is like constitute each and every single things in life. i like to see life as something which are deeply connected to me. so i end up having so many things that i think are really personal for me. but of course, there are things that are much personal than the others. maybe i should work on that.
it is already 1 am, got class at 9, need to sleep early i guess. but i need to start the essay and the speech! aarrrgggghhh!!

once we were a child...

2006-01-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

it was such a fascinating moment for us to dream, to explore things which are beyond our wildest imagination. we were awed by even a slightest different new discovery. yeah, that was when we were young, when we were a child. i just watched neverending story, for the second after i watched years ago while i am still in my elementary school. watching it for the second times give me this sense of question of how on earth do i can be awed by this such foolish and childish story? seriously, i was questioning the plot, the special effects, the dialogue and even the music! is that film is such a terrible one? or is it me who is changed? i still remember how i was fascinated by the story during the first time i saw it. the film makes me wanna fly, wanna jump into the movie and be part of it. and i still remember how beautiful the song was when i listen to it. but now, even the song seem kind of weird. when i think about it again, i believe that it is because i am the one is changing. when we were kids, the world looks like a limitless field of discovery place, where everything seems possible. without any hurdles or oppression, we dream and imagined of whatever things that we can think of. all those fantasies and dreams are likely to be reached. now, in my 20's, i kinda being skeptical about life. no more dreams, no more limitless boundaries, and no more wild imagination. i look at life like it is a stagnant stage, where reality hurts, really hurts. sometimes i wonder where have the old me gone? the old me who will questions even the slightest oddness that he see, the old me who will try to find the answer, the old me who likes to create new things, imagining i am in such various, wonderful places? where have i been...?

love me if u must

2006-01-21T15:42:00.000-08:00

if u are walking away stop walking,
as i hardly chasing you if you are far away.
if u are forgetting about me stop forgetting,
as the thought i dimly visible for you is hurting.
if u are searching for someone stop searching,
as i am here, just for you.
love me if u must, love me if u dare.
for i am the beggar, who despise the loneliness..

am i forced to?

2006-01-21T14:13:00.000-08:00

during public speaking class, the instructor asked us who are taking this class because it is a requirement, because u need to take it, and not because you want to take it. and about 75% raised their hand, including me. at that time, it was very clear that this class is needed as a prerequisite for aother class that i want to take at the next level. when i back home, before went to bed, suddenly i rethink about the question. if i take that class because it is a must, then what about other classes that i took, taking and will take? it seems like all of the classes will be a must, and not something that i want to. although i am the one who chosed to take communication as my minor, it seems that the content of my minor are somewhat something that are a must, and not something that i really want. or is it? that's when i rethink again about my intention of taking all these classes. intention... yeah...

~do not do things that you love, love the things that you do~

the 3rd day....

2006-01-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

it have been 3 days since i start the new semester. things seem running considerably ok, considering all of the classes are in their first days. not much work though. i woke up late today, about 12 pm. no lab today so i went straight for the public speaking class at 6. got email from the people who works with the fntv, the independence film project, said that can meet the other people sometimes on dinner at middlebrook. well, still considering whether or not should i join it. most of the reluctant feeling that i have is because the fear of... i dunno. i always have this low self-esteem. even back in my hometown, i always refuse to go to some parties or something like that. what is wrong with me?

qoutes....

2006-01-18T23:27:00.000-08:00

i've stumbled upon a quote by Richard Kemp which stated that quotes are nothing but the inspiration of the unispired. huh? i kind of startled at first because all these while, i am very much eager to collect quotes. i even have my own personal books just for collectiong qoutes that interest me. does he(richard kemp) means that i am a person which are unispired? when i think about it, it kind of get into me as i suddenly realize that i am searching for something behind each quotes that i found. i am searching for the inspiration. as i do not likely to believe that it is not a bad thing to collect quotes or to read it, but it did sounds negative... i mean, i am the unsinspired one! wah, never thought about it before.
i always feels the need to be kind of somebody, i mean somebody as in being someone that have a very clear vision with his life, feel content and live life happily. i do envy my friends who kind of seamlessly get along with the other friends, easily to socialize, scored good great etc.. (u know, those perfect world). well, not envy la, but kind of makes me sometimes sad. i know that i should not feel that way because what i have today is way too much that i think i deserve, all of are from the mercy of Allah... i should be grateful and not feel sad again.. i should look into myself, improve myself and get closer to Allah... i have family that i love so much and i know that they love me too, and others uncountable nikmat that i have...
i want to be positive about myself, and if i do not achieve something which i dream of, there always reason(s) for that... everyone have their own life, maybe from my eyes they look perfect, but who knows what are really going on right? anyway, hopefully, i will have a better semester!

fragmen dari washington

2006-01-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

fragmen 1
semalam mereka bicara lagi tentang diri,
diri yang mendamba, diri yang jahil, juga diri yang terus enggan.
seperti biasa mataku akan menangis, lidahku akan kelu, pendengaranku bagai dibelai, dan fikiranku menerawang untuk impian itu.
lalu aku kembali memikir adakah seperti selalu,
segala tangisan, kekeluan, belaian serta impian hanya tinggal untuk waktu itu?
lepas habis tinggal segala,
aku kembali menjadi, sesuatu yang bukan diriku?
yang bukan fitrahku? yang bukan kumahu?
fragmen 2
aku mahu lari dari kebisingan yang membosankan
aku mahu lari dari kesesakan yang menyakitkan
aku mahu lari dari kepuraan yang menjelikkan
aku mahu lari dari kegelapan yang menyesatkan
fragmen 3
habis sudah bicara untuk kutawarkan waktu,
hilang sudah rindu untuk kudambakan temu,
rosak sudah ceria untuk kulontarkan jemu.
fragmen 4
aku melewati sebuah tugu peringatan untuk mereka yang telah gugur,
yang gugur kerana sebuah bendera, kerana sebuah lagu, kerana sebuah kepercayaan.
mungkin aku tidak mendengar derak tangisan atau teriak,
tatkala peluru hidup merobek daging merah,
ataupun ketika bayonet tajam memenggal urat sendi,
mahupun sewaktu bom dibaling dengan penuh getar ditangan.
tapi apa yang kurasakan,
peperangan itu bukanlah apa yang mereka mahukan,
kerana manusia tidak pernah lahir untuk berbunuhan,
tidak pernah lahir dengan kebencian,
tidak pernah lahir dengan prasangka.
dan ketika aku terus memikir kenapa,
ku lihat nun besar ukiran di tepi tugu,
'dirasmikan oleh pemimpin negara'
tapi bukankah pemimpin itu juga manusia?
fragmen 5
aku malu pada setiap dosa yang kulakukan,
tapi mengapa aku tidak malu untuk mengulanginya?
aku rindu pada belaian kasihNya,
tapi mengapa aku tidak mendambakan rindu itu?
aku benci pada setiap kemungkaran disekelilingku,
tapi mengapa kebencian itu hanya tinggal benci?
aku lelah, resah penat dan lemah,
aku, seribu satu rasa penakut, pengecut barangkali, mungkin dayus.
tapi kutahu,
sayangMu, lebih besar dari murkaMu,
jika kuberjalan padaMu, maka berlari Kau padaku,
Kau cukup sempurna sifat Rahman, Rahim.
tunjukkanlah aku jalan kepadaMu,
dan janganlah Kau palingkan hati ini,
tatkala hidayah telah mengetuk tingkap hatiku

ajaib

2006-01-12T19:50:00.000-08:00

selalu aku mengharapkan keajaiban muncul tiba-tiba,
dari balik pintu yang tidak berkunci, mahupun antara celah-celah pokok yang penuh rimbun, ataupun dari panggilan yang menyerakkan perhatian.
tapi keajaiban itu tak pernah muncul, lantas ku fikir diriku tak pernah diintai tuah,
lalu aku kembali mengunci pintu, serta membiarkan pokok merimbun, dan tiada lagi menoleh pada panggilan yang tidak pernah terpanggil...

kalau kau suka..

2006-01-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

kalau kau suka berlari,
maka larilah ke segenap penjuru hati yang punya rasa,
agar dapat kau hebahkan manisnya kebahagiaan itu.
kalau kau suka melihat,
maka lihatlah jauh kedalam lubuk fikiran akal,
agar dapat kau cambahkan segala apa yang tersirat .
kalau kau suka mendiam,
maka diamlah dengan zikir penuh ingat,
agar penuh segala harap jua rahmat yang didamba.
kalau kau suka mendengar,
maka dengarlah patah kata bersulam hikmah,
agar meresap segala ajar jua amali diakhirnya.
apa sahaja yang kau lakukan,
biar pantak dengan ingatan beralas niat.

maknawi mimpi

2006-01-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

langsung lari menerjah,
menjengah, lalu berlalu dari kenyataan.
sejak bila hidup dan kehidupan ini dimaknakan dengan mimpi?
dan mimpi itu tidak pernah dipisahkan dari maknanya sendiri?
khayalan terus mencengkam, sedang diri tak pernah sedar,
terus hidup dengan janji yang menyakitkan.....

selalu hadir

2006-01-12T19:47:00.000-08:00

aku sedar..
setiap sendi gerak laku yang mengisi jagat masa,
aku tetap diawasi...
setiap ucap gelak elus yang mengisi ruang udara,
aku tetap didengari...
setiap cahaya kilas imbau yang mengisi terowong lihat,
aku tetap diperhati...
maka mana mungkin untuk aku,
lari dari semesta yang hanya aku dan diriku mahu wujud,
sedar aku...
kendati sedar dalam tidak,
jika sedar bersarang di hati,
mengapa harus beribu kali ampun kumohon..
tanpa antaranya perlu kumohon keampunan lagi?

aku

2006-01-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

aku hilang dalam terang sinarnya,
aku sunyi dalam riuh tawanya,
aku dingin dalam hangat pelukannya....